Total faith in Bhagavan

When I asked Bhagavan for permission to move to Palakothu I had no idea where I would live or how I would support myself. Since Bhagavan had clearly approved of my decision, I was confident that he would continue to look after me. My faith in him was soon justified. As I was walking towards Palakothu I met Munagala Venkataramiah, the compiler of Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi.

‘I have left the ashram,’ I told him. ‘I am on my way to Palakothu to look for somewhere to stay. From now on I have decided to spend my time in meditation.’

Munagala Venkataramiah was astonished to hear the news and yet was happy to hear it since he was just then looking for someone to take care of his hut.

‘Just today I received a telegram from Bombay telling me to come at once. I am on my way to the station. Take the keys to my hut and stay there till I get back. You will not have to buy anything. The room already contains everything that you will possibly need. I shall probably be back in a month or so.’ Saying so, he gave me the keys and hurried off to the station.

In a few minutes, I moved my meagre possessions into the hut. But there was still the problem of food to be solved. I had no money but my mind refused to pay any attention to the problem. In my euphoric state I just assumed that Bhagavan would take care of everything. Again my faith was justified

Chadwick had been sitting with Bhagavan in the old hall earlier that morning, trying to meditate. He had not been having much success because every time he closed his eyes, a picture of my face appeared in his mind. After making several unsuccessful attempts to get rid of it, he gave up trying to meditate and left the hall. As he was walking back to his room (he told me all this later that day), he came to the conclusion that it was not good to have close friendships with other devotees because such relationships disturb the mind.

When he reached his room his servant told him, ‘Annamalai Swami left the ashram this morning and went to live in Palakothu.’ Chadwick was surprised but was also relieved. He concluded that the strong images of me that he had been seeing a few minutes ago were not disturbances to his meditation. Instead they were a message from Bhagavan that he should send me some kind of assistance. He turned to his servant and gave him the instructions:

‘Annamalai Swami is a good devotee who has served Bhagavan for many years. I somehow feel obliged to look after him. Take some food to his hut and prepare a meal for him. It is now 10 a.m. When the ashram lunch bell rings at 11:30 I want Annamalai Swami to sit down and eat a good meal. I don’t want him to be inconvenienced in any way just because he has left the ashram.’

Chadwick’s continued help

Chadwick himself came along later to see how I was getting on. ‘For several years I have watched you carry about Bhagavan’s building plans,’ he said. ‘Now that the ashram is no longer supporting you, I will take care of all your needs. I will make sure that it will not be necessary for you to go anywhere in search of food.’ Saying so, he supplied me with a stove, utensils and enough food to last for many days. In the weeks that followed he checked my food supplies every time he visited me and instructed his servant to buy new supplies and then bring them to me. This was a convenient arrangement because Bhagavan himself instructed me, shortly after I moved to Palakothu:

‘Don’t ask anyone for anything. You should live on whatever God decides to send you, so long as it is sattvic food. Keep aloof from the things that are going on around you. Stay in your own hut as much as possible and don’t waste your time visiting other people.’

How Bhagavan gave me a home

In those days I was quite friendly with Vaikunta Vyas, a man who became one of Bhagavan’s assistants in the 1940s. He often came to visit me with a large group of devotees. Whenever they came they would all sleep in my hut. He said to me, ‘This place is very small. We cause you a lot of trouble when we come here. If you erect some kind of shed or veranda we can all stay there on future visits without disturbing you. We will pay for everything.’
All the devotees donated whatever they could. I also contributed Rs. 50. I sent word to a man named Arumugam, a mason and asked him to assist me in erecting the hut. He came immediately. While we were looking at the site, Bhagavan who was passing nearby, abruptly changed direction and came over to meet us.

‘Are you planning to build a house for Swami?’ Bhagavan asked Arumugam.

That was not our plan but Arumugam suddenly found himself saying, ‘Yes I will construct one’.

‘What materials are you planning to use? Mud or brick? Tiles or terrace?’

‘I think I will build the walls of brick, and put a terrace roof on top of them’ said Arumugam.
I was very surprised to hear this. Before Bhagavan arrived we were discussing a coconut leaf shelter. Now, in front of Bhagavan, Arumugam was committing himself (and possibly me) to building an expensive house.
Bhagavan seemed to approve of the plan.

‘Let us see gradually how it happens,’ he said. Then, having concluded his business with us, he walked away.

I asked Arumugam why he made all these expensive promises when he knew we were planning a small hut.
‘I don’t know,’ replied Arumugam. ‘The words automatically came to me when Bhagavan asked the questions. But now I have given my word to Bhagavan and I am obliged to keep it. Bhagavan made me say these words, so Bhagavan must want this building to happen. Don’t worry about the money. Even if I have to sell my house to pay for yours, I will do it.’

Funds came in magically

Within a day I somehow received an unexpected donation of Rs. 100. As with all of Bhagavan’s projects, the money just appeared whenever it was necessary.

As I was hearing this, I knew our money problem would be solved somehow. If Bhagavan took an interest in a devotee’s problems, some divine force would automatically bring about a solution. Bhagavan himself did nothing. He never claimed that he did anything.
The next day I received a donation of Rs. 200 from Ramaswamy Mudaliar, who also volunteered to help me with the construction. We were ready to start work on the roof when Bhagavan came and offered a suggestion: ‘It will be good if you use palmyra timber for the beams. That was the wood which was used in our house (Bhagavan’s house) in Tiruchuli (the town where Bhagavan was born).
We took the hint and bought some timber. Bhagavan enquired in detail about our plans: The exact dimensions of the beams, their thickness etc. A few weeks later he asked if I had remembered to install a grinding stone. I mention this merely to illustrate the concern that Bhagavan showed at all stages of the construction.
Thus the house was completed without any further problems. Bhagavan clearly wanted me to stay in this place. I moved into my new house. This was my last change of address. I have now lived in this room for more than fifty years.

The famous Thirukkural photo

This photo of Sri Bhagavan was worshiped by Sri Annamalai Swami in his room in Palakothu from 1942. The incident connected with this great photo is explained below. After the living room of Sri Annamalai Swami was constructed, on the first day Swami decided to place a photo of Sri Bhagavan in the room for worship.
He obtained a photo of Sri Bhagavan with Arunachala hill above him. Then he took a small photo of Arunachala hill and pasted the hill at the bottom of the picture, exactly at the heart of Sri Bhagavan. Swami gave a title to this photo as ‘The Lord who swallowed the Hill (Arunachala)’ and wrote it on the photo: Malayai Vizungiya Mahadevan. He then took this photo to Bhagavan to get his blessings.

Bhagavan looked at the photo and said, ‘If you had given this photo of Arunachala hill to me, I would have done a better job of pasting it.’ He continued, ‘Look, Annamalai Swami is calling me “The Lord who swallowed the Hill”.’ He then pointed to a page in a magazine that he had open. In there was a verse about another saint, singing how he had swallowed the hill Arunachala. (In the video below, Sri Annamalai Swami narrates this verse while recalling this incident.)

Bhagavan then wrote a two-line Thirukkural verse in his own handwriting on a small piece of paper. He then pasted this 2 line-verse at the top of this photo and gave it back to Annamalai Swami with his blessings.
The meaning of the verse is below. (Thirukkural was composed by the great saint Thiruvalluvar).
The glory of a Brahma Jnani who is firmly established in the Self without wavering, is higher than a great mountain.
This photograph adorned the walls of Sri Annamalai Swami’s room till his Samadhi.
Below is a video of Sri Annamalai Swami narrating this incident.

Spiritual evolution

After a few months in Palakothu I noticed that my mind was beginning to get quieter and quieter. During my working days my mind had been constantly occupied with thoughts about building matters. At the end of the day’s work, the mind would still continue its incessant activities. I found it very hard to meditate under the circumstances. Bhagavan told me, ‘You are not the body, you are not the mind. you are the pure consciousness, the Self. You are all-pervasive. Be aware of this at all times, even while you are working.’ I tried very hard to put this into practice while I was working, but I cannot say that I had much success.

When I moved to Palakothu I found it far easier to practice Bhagavan’s teachings. After a few months of meditation in Palakothu my mind became relatively quiet and still. A wonderful coolness pervaded my body. In the course of time, after many years of practice, both of these conditions became permanent.

Bhagavan’s continued care

Bhagavan often visited me when he took his daily walk in Palakothu. Once he dropped in while I was cooking my food and asked me what I was preparing.

When I told him, ‘Only rice and sambar,’ he was very pleased. ‘Very good!’ he exclaimed. ‘The simple life is the best.’

On another of his visits he told me that I should make a chutney out of a green leaf called Tiruvakshi because it was good for the body. I followed his advice and prepared it regularly.
Although I was no longer permitted to eat in the ashram except on special occasions, Bhagavan sometimes still gave me food from the dining room. I was once walking through the back gate of the ashram at about 8 p.m. when I saw Bhagavan and Subramaniam near the dispensary. Bhagavan asked Subramaniam to get some food for me.

‘When Annamalai Swami was here he used to enjoy eating aviyal (a South Indian delicacy made of coconut, curd and vegetables). Today a lot of aviyal has been prepared. Go to the kitchen and bring some on a plate. We can serve it to him here.’

Coming out of retirement

During my early years in Palakothu I regularly came to see Bhagavan in the hall, usually once in the morning and once in the evening. It was the year 1942, fourteen years after I had landed in Ramanasramam and several years into my retired life at Palakothu.

One day, Bhagavan came to my room and said ‘You are not showing your face much any more. Follow me.’ As we were entering the ashram through the back gate Bhagavan said, ‘They are planning to build a small hospital. You should build a bigger hospital here.’

He pointed to the site and indicated where the entrance should be. That was all.

When I heard these words I knew that my quiet, comfortable way of life was about to be shattered by another major battle with Chinnaswami. I first had to cut down a few trees. Immediately I engaged a man to help me cut them down. Because it was afternoon and most people were sleeping, we managed to cut them down without being interrupted or questioned.

Chinnaswami came along and asked me what was going on. Since I was bound by Bhagavan’s instructions I replied as ingenuously as I could, ‘I heard that you were going to build a small hospital. I thought that a bigger one was needed so I came along to construct it for you.’
It didn’t occur to Chinnaswami that I would not begin a building like this unless Bhagavan had personally asked me to do so. Chinnaswami shouted at me. ‘You are not an ashram worker anymore. What authority do you have? Why are you troubling us? The plans for the hospital are already drawn. Why are you interfering?’
Chinnaswami’s shouting and the cutting down of trees soon attracted crowd of 20-30 people. Many of them wanted to know why I was cutting them down. I explained again. ‘I am going to construct a big hospital here. These trees had to be cut down to make room for it.’
The shouting and questioning continued and the whole affair was turning ugly. I walked away and stood in a corner, pretending that I had accepted defeat. At that moment Bhagavan chose to make an appearance. He walked up to me, put his head next to mine and whispered, ‘What are these people saying?’
I whispered back, ‘They are saying, “What authority do you have to come here, and why are you cutting down these trees?”‘

Bhagavan sighed and said, ‘Avanga ishtam. Avanga ishtam. Avanga ishtam. (‘Let their desire be done’). You can go back to Palakothu.’

Name over the entrance
The last job was putting the name over the entrance. Once again it was Bhagavan who wrote the letters Vaidyasālāi on paper and asked me to make a copy of them on the wall. I erected some scaffolding and sat down to do the work. Chinnaswami came at that time and asked me to leave this job to supervise some other construction work. I declined to go since Bhagavan had instructed me to do this particular job.

‘Let it wait for some time,’ I said. ‘My destiny as an ashram worker and the destiny of the hospital are linked together. When I have finished this job I will go back to Palakothu and stay there.’

Bhagavan watched all this from a distance without making any comment. This Vaidyasālāi sign over the hospital was the last construction work I ever did for the ashram.

My ashram work ends

A few months after the hospital had been completed Bhagavan confirmed that my time as an ashram worker had come to an end.

I was sitting in the hall during the evening darshan when Bhagavan turned to me and said, ‘You are an independent person. Your karmas are finished. From now on, nobody, whether he be a king, a devā, an asurā or a human being, will order you around and tell you what to do.’

I had a great feeling of strength and peace when Bhagavan said these words. I was also immensely relieved to know that I would not have to come back to the ashram to work again.

Bhagavan’s grace rescued me again

After I had been in Palakothu for about four years, due to various reasons people who were supporting my meagre expenses were not allowed to do so. I began to worry. I decided that instead of depending on anyone else, I will go for a bhiksha (beg for my food) in town. Since this would bring about a major change in my lifestyle I knew I had to first get Bhagavan’s permission. He had previously told me not to beg for anything. One evening when I was sitting in the hall, I explained the situation to Bhagavan and sought his permission. Bhagavan remained silent for about fifteen minutes. At the end of that period I stood up to leave. I knew that Bhagavan’s silence indicated that he was not going to give me permission. Unexpectedly Bhagavan told me to sit down again.

‘You have sat for so long, why are you standing now?’

A few minutes later, Arumugam came into the hall. He had left a bag of rice outside the door. When I asked him, ‘What is this rice for?’

He replied, ‘I brought it for you. I suddenly felt an urge to give you something.’

Strange incident on the hill
After some time, my troubles with lack of support continued. The support that Chadwick had generously given me for so many years had come to an end. But if I had had more faith in Bhagavan, I would have known that Bhagavan would never abandon me. As it was, my fears were only put to rest by a strange incident which happened on the hill.

Soon, I received three rupees in what can only be called miraculous circumstances. One of Bhagavan’s devotees Jayarama Mudaliar, lived in a village called Thellar, near Vandavasi (thirty miles north-east of Tiruvannamalai). For some days he had been feeling an urge to send some money to one of the sādhus at Sri Ramanasramam. It was a vague urge for he had no one particular in mind.

About a week later a group of devotees came from that same village and announced that they wanted to look after all my needs. For many years afterwards they gave me enough money to support myself.