4. The Young Disciple
THE STORY OF SRI ANNAMALAI SWAMI
My first spiritual question to Bhagavan
About ten days after my arrival I asked Bhagavan, ‘How to avoid misery? This was the first spiritual question I ever asked him.
Bhagavan replied, ‘Know and always hold on to the Self. Disregard the body and the mind. To identify with them is misery. Dive deep into the Heart, the source of being and peace, and establish yourself there.’
I then asked him how I could attain Self-Realisation and he gave me a similar answer:
‘If you give up identifying with the body and meditate on the Self, which you already are, you can attain Self-realisation.
him Annamalai Swami)
As a newcomer I was still too afraid of him to follow this up by asking him how he knew, or how long he had been waiting. However, I was delighted to hear him speak like this because it seemed to indicate that it was my destiny to stay with him. A few days later I asked another question: ‘Scientists have invented and produced aircraft which can travel at great speeds in the sky. Why do you not make and give us a spiritual aircraft in which we can quickly and easily cross over the sea of samsāra?’
‘The path of self-enquiry,’ replied Bhagavan, ‘is the aircraft you need. It is direct, fast and easy to use. You are already travelling very quickly towards realisation. It is only because of your mind that it seems that there is no movement. In the old days, when people first rode on trains, some of them believed that the
trees and the countryside were moving and that the train was standing still. It is the same with you now. Your mind is making you believe that you are not moving towards Self-Realisation.
In the years that followed I had many other spiritual talks with Bhagavan but his basic message never changed. It was always:
‘Do self-enquiry, stop identifying with the body and try to be aware of the Self which is your real nature’.
Prior to these early conversations I had been spending several hours each day performing elaborate pūjās and anushtānas. When I asked Bhagavan if I should continue with them he replied,
“You need not do any of these pūjās any more. If you practise self-enquiry, that alone will be enough.
Bhagavan gives me the name Annamalai Swami
Soon after I came I was given a new name by Bhagavan. My original name had been Chellaperumal. One day Bhagavan casually mentioned that I reminded him of a man called Annamalai Swami who had been his attendant at Skandashram. He started to use this name as a nickname for me. When devotees heard this they all followed suit and within a few days my new name was firmly established.
A divine message came from Bhagavan
I was very happy to have found a Guru like Bhagavan. However, initially I was neither impressed by the Ashram nor by the devotees who gathered around him. This disturbed me, and worried me that I might lose the devotion that I had, if I stayed near them. Coming to the conclusion that I need to separate myself from them, I decided that I would keep Bhagavan as my Guru but live somewhere else. Thus without telling anyone, not even Bhagavan, I left the Ashram just 3 weeks after having arrived. I walked to a town 20 miles away and suffered the most difficult circumstances, without food or a place to stay. I begged at about 500 houses but no one gave me any food. Finally I was forced to come back to the Ashram and I had accepted this as my prarabdha. As I turned around towards Tiruvannamalai all my fortunes changed for the better. Even the ticket collector on the train ignored me alone (I did not have money for the ticket).
On reaching the ashram I went straight to Bhagavan, prostrated before him and told him everything that happened. Bhagavan then confirmed that it was my destiny to stay at Ramanasramam.
The verse says: The supreme state which is praised and which is attained here in this life by clear self-enquiry, which rises in the Heart when association with a Sādhu is gained, is impossible to attain by listening to preachers, by studying and learning the meaning of the scriptures, by virtuous deeds, or by any other means.
At the end of fifteen minutes I did namaskaram to Bhagavan and said “I will do whatever work you order me to do, but please also give me Moksha (liberation). I don’t want to become a slave to Māyā (illusion)”
Bhagavan made no reply, but I found that merely asking the question had made my mind peaceful. Bhagavan asked me to go and eat some food. I replied that I was not hungry because I had just eaten. I added “I don’t want food. All I want is Moksha, freedom from sorrow.
This time Bhagavan looked at me and nodded and said ‘Yes, yes’.
All of the above memories were narrated by Sri Annamalai Swami himself, during his Satsangs with devotees who came to visit him at the Ashram.
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